03/29/2024

Transforming Fear into Freedom

Our past experiences strongly influence our present selves, influencing how we perceive and react to the world around us. Have you ever felt suddenly upset or in a disagreement that escalated out of nowhere? These moments display the influence of our past wounds and emotional conditioning.

Feelings of fear and doubt stem from insecurities, conditioning, and past experiences molded in our subconscious. About 95% of our thoughts operate on this subconscious level. Over time, these fears and doubts build-up, preventing us from growing.

To overcome these obstacles, we need patience. Like taking apart a tower one block at a time, we must carefully deal with each fear and doubt. Join me as we explore the journey of self-discovery, uncovering our past to find freedom and authenticity in the present. Let’s embrace our potential and shape a future defined by courage and self-belief!

Understanding Emotional Triggers

Our past experiences significantly impact our current reality, shaping how we perceive and react to the world. When we carry unresolved wounds from the past, they can act as triggers, unexpectedly setting off strong emotions and reactions. Have you ever found yourself unexpectedly upset by something that, looking back, seemed unimportant? Or have you experienced situations where your words were misinterpreted, causing a disagreement? These moments demonstrate how our past experiences, fears, and doubts influence our current interactions, a process known as emotional conditioning.

In moments like these, we naturally prioritize easing the immediate discomfort, often missing the source of the reaction. For instance, after an argument with a family member, I immediately attempted to fix the tensions without addressing the main reasons for the conflict. It wasn’t until later that I identified the recurring patterns, with unresolved issues continuing to resurface.

The Role of Subconscious Conditioning

Reflecting on these situations, I’ve realized the importance of confronting our past wounds head-on rather than just treating the symptoms. By acknowledging and healing these wounds, we can break free from our deep-rooted patterns of thoughts and behaviors and gain greater control over our lives.

Confronting Our Past

Triggers often serve as a beacon, illuminating areas within us where unresolved emotions, fears, and doubts live—for example, receiving constructive criticism from your boss through email, triggering an unexpected wave of defensiveness or frustration within you. In moments like this, it’s important to take a moment to ask yourself: Why does this feedback make me react so strongly? Could I be misinterpreting the tone or intention behind the email because of an experience or belief?

Reflecting on my past experiences, I remember a similar situation when I received feedback from a supervisor that left me feeling wrongly criticized and defensive. Looking closely, I realized I reacted that way due to my long-term fear of failure and the subconscious belief that my worthiness depended upon perfection. This realization allowed me to recognize how past experiences and inner critics affect how I react in the present.

After learning about developmental psychology, I recognized how childhood experiences imprint on our minds, shaping our behaviors and emotional responses in adulthood. In addition, trauma theory highlights the significant impact that traumatic events during childhood can have on your psychological well-being, with triggers often serving as a reminder of past trauma.

Addressing and acknowledging past experiences and traumas’ impact in shaping our current reality is essential when trying to heal. Discovering these hidden parts of our minds allows us to regain control of our emotions and reactions.

Understanding Our Inner Child

The inner child method, as talked about in “Manifest In Action,” helps us heal our past wounds by connecting with our younger selves who still carry the pain from the past. By showing compassion to this inner child, we create a safe space for healing and growth. Through visualization, we revisit an important childhood moment where we felt vulnerable or neglected, accessing the emotions we experienced at the time. Then, we have a conversation with our younger selves, providing them with comfort, validation, and support, meeting the needs that were not fulfilled in the past. This method allows us to develop self-compassion and strength, helping us overcome past traumas.

Accepting the complexity of our inner-self and identifying the impact of our inner child allows us to understand ourselves on a deeper level and face life’s challenges with greater courage and authority.

Feel the Feelings

One reason past experiences easily trigger us is that we didn’t process them at the time.

Growing up, I never fully understood the importance of processing my emotions. Whenever I faced a difficult situation, I’d bury myself in activities and distractions, assuming the feelings would disappear. Unknowingly, this avoidance only made things worse in the long run.

If you think about it, we are accustomed to hiding and denying our feelings. As children, we’re taught that crying and expressing anger is unacceptable and will result in punishment. When we’re repeatedly told that certain emotions must be suppressed to be perceived as good kids, it’s no wonder we continue to hide them. For instance, I had a tough time during my junior year of high school. Instead of confronting my feelings, I busied myself with work, hoping to outrun the pain. However, no matter how busy I was, those unresolved emotions lingered beneath the surface, waiting to creep out at the slightest trigger.

Another way we avoid dealing with our emotions is through the toxic positivity widespread in society. Toxic positivity is the continuous focus on staying positive, even during challenging times, and the constant push to obtain a positive mindset. In today’s society, there’s pressure to maintain an image of continuous happiness and glamor, raised by social media platforms promoting competition for the most glamorous life.

For instance, during a difficult time, I was drawn to popular trends like “manifesting” and the law of attraction, which promote optimism. However, instead of helping, these trends deepened the issue by supporting the expectation of constant happiness and overlooking negative emotions.

It’s not an act of self-love to pretend everything’s fine when it’s not. Denying our emotions traps us in a cycle of pain and suffering. An act of self-love is allowing ourselves to feel all our feelings, even the painful ones, so we can process them and move on.

Your Past Does Not Define Your Future

As L.P. Hartley said, “The past is a foreign country; they do things differently down there.” When we’re held back by fear and doubt, we try to avoid past pain. For example, assume a past relationship left you heartbroken. In that case, your fear and doubt will try to protect you from feeling that way again by preventing you from meeting someone new or by encouraging you to self-sabotage your next relationship.

This behavior arises from our subconscious trying to protect us from past hurts recurring. Our brain’s primary function is to keep us safe. Sometimes, fear and doubt can disguise themselves as friends protecting us from disappointment when, in reality, they hold us back from unlocking our full potential. Remembering that who you are now is not who you were then is so important. You’ve changed, grown, and expanded since that time. Trust in yourself. You don’t need to carry the burden of the past on your shoulders; you’re free to embrace the present and pursue your purpose.

Embracing Mindfulness and Awareness

Mindfulness is a state of awareness that changes our perception of the world. It involves being present in the moment, detached from past or future worries. Mindfulness trains our brain to enhance focus and mental clarity, boosting productivity. Psychological research reveals mindfulness boosts attention regulation, reduces distractions, and promotes flexibility.

Mindfulness is like a superpower for dealing with worry or obsessive thoughts. You can break the negative thought cycle by focusing on something else. For example, focus on something right before you and use your five senses to tune in. A cool thing to remember is that you can only have one thought at a time! Shifting your attention disrupts your inner critic, making fear and doubt less powerful.

Facing the Future with Strength and Optimism

When you find yourself struggling with obsessive thoughts, consider exploring the worst-case scenario. Anxiety and worry can stem from subconscious fears and potential outcomes. By identifying these worst-case scenarios, we can recognize that even if things did go wrong, we could handle it we would find a solution, and it would all be OK. Remember the saying, “God has equipped us with the courage to conquer mountains, the wisdom to navigate storms, and the faith to see beyond obstacles.” Knowing this gives us the power to look ahead confidently, knowing that whatever challenges come our way, we possess the strength to overcome them.

Worrying about the future robs us of the present moment, stopping us from fully experiencing life. We will face unavoidable challenges in life, but we will always overcome them and come out of them with greater strength. My grandmother always reminds me, “Do not worry about what hasn’t happened yet".” We can find our peace knowing that God will complete all the good things that He has begun in our lives through grace; He knows, He cares, and He will complete the job He’s already started.

Embracing Freedom and Potential

Our journey of self-development means confronting and releasing years of piled-up insecurities and self-doubt. While our inner critic will often remain, and moments of overwhelm may arise, we obtain the tools to navigate through them. By sticking to our goals and refusing to let fear and doubt dictate our future, we can slowly free ourselves from their grip. By recognizing their influences, we promise to heal and slowly break free from their hold, giving ourselves the chance to do great things and reach our full potential.